Why I am comfortable being uncomfortable

For as long as I can remember I’ve been in situations where I’ve had to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. It all started when I was three years old when I was put into state custody due to no fault of my own. My older brother and I were passed from foster home to foster home. It didn’t help that my brother was over 6 ft tall by the time he was 10 years old which in the “system” screams problem child. Looking back, there were foster homes that were normal and nice and then there were homes where I faced things that have scarred me for life.

I, along with my brother, was eventually sent to an establishment called the Florida Baptist Children’s Home. For my brother this was seen as a last resort, otherwise the state could no longer guarantee that we be kept together. I stayed in the younger boys cottage and my brother was put in the older boys cottage. I shared a room with at least 2 other boys and a total of 10–13 boys lived in the same house at any given time. We had 2 sets of “house parents” that would rotate weekly. Our free time privileges were based on our weekly grades at church, school, and home. Teachers, Sunday school teachers and other authority figures who were in charge of us. For most people this would’ve been uncomfortable but for me it wasn’t. Most people would consider my life back then bizarre, but to me my life felt normal. That chapter of my life lasted four and a half years, from 7 until 11 years old. It was, at the time, the most stable and happiest time of my life.

The next phase of my life where I became comfortable with the uncomfortable was when I was adopted. I was so happy and naive. I would’ve never predicted the simple difference of growing up in a white family versus a black family as a black child. I was just like Lil Bow Wow from Like Mike; I was just happy someone chose me and loved me. I thought everything about my adolescence was normal and comfortable. They key word is I thought, but the older you get the more you realize it was that normal. Looking back I feel like there was and still is a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about my biological brother because he was also adopted with me. We moved to Tampa, Florida, yada yada we moved to Ohio, but he did not come with us. I was 11, and happy to have a family and to no longer be in foster care. Then time just moved past and other problems came to the surface. It also seems minor, but most people are not looked at as going out with their friends family for dinner every time they would go out to eat. It is still not normal but mainstream pop culture has normalized white families raising black children, but going through it myself it is different.

I took all these uncomfortable life experiences to subconsciously become comfortable in a situation where any other person might feel uncomfortable. The first college I chose to attend was predominantly female and Hispanic while the one where I graduated was overwhelmingly Caucasian. I did have a short stint at the University of Houston which is an amazing diverse campus, but I even chose to join a historically Indian Fraternity. I feel like all these decisions happened subconsciously because there was no plan. These things just happened. It led me to get a degree that is not widely accepted by my own community. After I graduated, I feared I would be too comfortable in Oklahoma and it scared the shit out of me. I had the opportunity to move to NYC and nothing made me happier than fleeing to a new situation.

It wasn’t too long before I got comfortable in New York, that I already sought something new. Of course after going to Europe, my first goal was to try and work and live overseas, but I knew finding a good job overseas is a long term goal. I decided to pursue my passion of bartending. I decided to work in Miami in the winter and NYC in the summers. I would be able to live in two amazing cities while enjoying them at the best times of the year doing what I loved. It was the perfect plan! Then Covid-19 happened. This obviously cancelled summer 2020 and I work at a rooftop bar in NYC. This cancelled economic progress, and this cancelled a market that is not flooded with laid off former service workers who will now be re-entering the workforce. Throughout this quarantine process a recruiter reached out to me to go work in China. It seemed sketchy and out of my comfort zone which means it was right up my ally! I did some research on the company and asked myself the question I ask myself before any major decision, why not? I could not come up with a good reason so in March 2020, I began the process of teaching ESL in China. Most people would be deterred from going to China due to that being the origin of the pandemic, but I look at what working in China would do for my professional development and it was an opportunity I couldn’t resist. I am just trying to find a place where I could finally find comfort in getting comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.